When the doctor hands you that slippery little naked human that has been rolling around inside you, your life changes, there is no doubt about it; giving birth changes you biologically. But besides biology, becoming a mother can sometimes be frightening and rewarding and often a frustrating turn in a Woman’s life.
So, what did I wish I knew as a first-time mom? Here is my list.
When I first became a mom, I wish I knew it was ok to feel lost but not to lose myself.
No one knows where you are coming from, not even you. Your physical body has changed drastically when you have your first child. But not only that, your emotions are everywhere. Overwhelming feelings can creep up at a moment’s notice and are brushed aside. No one tells you to sit focusing on getting in tune with yourself. But I learned that to make a real go at being a mother, you must know who you are and what that means against the backdrop of your new role as "Mother."
Take the time to figure out who you are and want to be. Find out how that fits into being the caregiver and soul-nourisher for this new little person in your life. This can take time, don't feel rushed if you don't know the minute the cord is cut.
Next, Nothing has to be perfect, and it often isn’t. The actual view of motherhood often isn’t Instagram-ready; there are always messes, spit-ups, tantrums, late nights of sleeplessness, confusion about parenting tactics, and wanting to escape to the old childless life. There is nothing wrong with mourning your old self... But don't discount your new self.
Poop battles and lonely times weeping in bathrooms happen, and everyone experiences epic fails in their way. That is the nature of the beast. When you constantly compare yourself to others and seek these perfect examples of life and motherhood, you make your hill so much harder to climb. You are putting yourself and your life at a disadvantage. Embrace the ugly and often hard realm of being a Mom instead of comparing yourself with others secretly climbing their own “hot mess” hill. Try to reach your version of success and celebrate your unique wins.
Lastly, what I wish I knew when I first became a mom, and what I hope other Moms can learn from me, is to take the time. Take time and heal. Take time to breathe. Take time to find your calm, take time to scream into the void when you need to, and take the time to become one with your new self.
Use the time to get to know that little being at their baseline. Find the time to appreciate the life you just created and celebrate the changing world around you. And most importantly, understand that you have contributed to a sacred role in nature- to give birth.
Some don’t take part in this significant role, some don’t care if they do or don’t, some contribute for another person, not themselves, and some never will contribute, despite wanting the chance. To give birth is something you are gifted and something that you have gifted to others. Hold it sacred, and you will never squander it as a role you hold. If more people appreciated the pain, gravity, and awe-inspiring part of becoming a mother, there would be a better understanding of the world and its role around us.
I hope this list helps any new mother zoning in on what you to be mindful of when you enter the wild and crazy journey you are embarking on. Let me know if you have any further thoughts and feelings about motherhood, and Happy Mother’s Day.